text; 9/30

[yourattention]

psa: dont fuckin come near my house for the foreseeable future (aka like at least a month) bc mistakes were made and things are kind of on fire

literally

they are literally on fire

no i dont need help i know what im doing

Comments

[solperierat]

you do realize that is the least reassuring way to phrase any of that right?

[yourattention]

its fine im a very competent human being

[solperierat]

clearly

do you need fire retardant for whatever the fuck you have going on

[yourattention]

can u make a tree not catch fire

[eudaimonikos]

A month seems like a long time.

Are you a human?

[yourattention]

no im dancer

[There is always time for memes.]

[eudaimonikos]

[There's something of a pause.]

I feel like there's some kind of reference I'm not getting here.

AUDIO

[postictal]

[Fuck this, AUDIO TIME. It's very evident from the panting and the sounds of cracking twigs underfoot that Tim is on the move as he's speaking into his rock.]

Uh, Connor?



What the fuck.

text

[yourattention]

good news: i lived bitch!

bad news: the manner in which i accomplished this was a mistake

[For the record, he's responding with text because he's a considerate human being and he still has All Star going in the bg.]

audio

[postictal]

[HE'S NOT TEXTING AND RUNNING AT THE SAME TIME, OKAY]

What did you set on fire and why.

[hellawrath]

hang on

ur makin fire mistakes and didn't invite me????

[yourattention]

technically the mistake is not the fire its just a side effect of the mistake

[hellawrath]

obvs fire's never a mistake

like, 99% of the time

so what's the hot new fuckup 👀

immediately to action because what is chill for this kid

[demonpuppy]

[Okay, so Chip has leaned after last month that APPARENTLY, everyone else on this dumb island thinks that dragons are just big lizards, and not the massive, utterly terrifying and awe-inspiring manifestations of nature they really are. One big dumb scaly monster thing and a whole bunch of other littler ones running around and everyone was calling them the wrong thing and--]

[Anyway.]

[They hear 'dragon' over the Stones and they're about to be really mad again, but...a little tiny bit of hope sparks. Maybe this one is a real dragon? Connor isn't saying anything about scales or wings or dumb lizard stuff and the only magic is fire again, but...maybe?]

[Anyway there's definitely a little kid sneaking around outside and trying to find a way past the Trap Hell.]

[yourattention]

[Here is the problem with Connor's house: he has a bunch of bludrocs living under his house that he taught to act like a doorbell. That wasn't actually the intended outcome, but the end result is that if you approach it the house, the bludrocs scream. The bludrocs screaming means that his new pet dragon perks the fuck up because the new hoard is under attack and it hasn't learned to differentiate between visitors and attackers.

So anyway what I'm saying is there's an baby about the size of - it's like the size of a miniature horse or a wolf. It would very much like for Chip to go away, because this is its house and you're bothering the bird friends.]

[demonpuppy]

[Well, a tiny bit of good news is that the baby looks enough like a '''proper''' dragon that Chip isn't immediately angry at it for existing!]

[The bad news is that they are absolutely staring death in the face and they have poor snap judgement skills.]

[So they of course holler for their life and instinctively throw a messy fear spell at it before jumping for one of the trees with their Pauldron.]

[atailoftwoworlds]

u know thats the worst way to convince people not to come and help right?

[yourattention]

i forget yall are disrespectful motherfuckers who dont respect ppls wishes

[atailoftwoworlds]

ahhhhh so after u wrote that things are 'things are kind of on fire. literally', u expect people to not be worried and go "sure buddy carry on"? get real.

so late

[vagabone]

what is going on!!

[yourattention]

absolutely nothing

[vagabone]

You tell us things are on fire again and then say it's nothing

Are the dragons back

text

[deathfindsaway]

I'm obligated to ask, for the sake of your continued life and not dying again.
Do you really know what you're doing?
Or perhaps need some assistance?

[yourattention]

bold of you to assume i wont die just to spite you cabbages

[deathfindsaway]

I would truly appreciate if you didn't.
Even if you did, I somehow find doubt you would pick burning to death as the way to go.
Why exactly are things supposed to be on fire?