text ; 01/12 ; down by the pool he doesn't have many friends

[postictal]

just so you all know
i think theres a shark infestation
just in general
if theres water near you there will maybe be a shark in it

so until further notice denny isnt serving any drinks until we know there won't be sharks in them

thanks

-tim

Comments

[eudaimonikos]

Do humans eat sharks?

[it's lucky these are ghost sharks because michael is formulating an absolutely wild plan right now]

[postictal]

Uh...I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

[The trepidation in his voice is audible when he responds.]

...why?

[eudaimonikos]

I'm going to catch a shark!

[He'll just be outside dumping cups of water on the ground or something]

[postictal]

Uh, you might wanna hold off on that? Do you know how to catch a shark?

[eudaimonikos]

Dump it on the ground and wait for it to suffocate?

[postictal]

I'm not sure that's gonna work if they're ghosts.

[Yeah. Breaking news. The sharks are ghosts.]

...supposedly, anyway.

[eudaimonikos]

Well, you didn't mention that part.

[GHOST shark isn't just a thing you take for granted!]

[postictal]

Just found out about it. I didn't really go messing with 'em, but some people have, and apparently? They're ghosts.

[eudaimonikos]

Do sharks in this world have souls?

[He's from the afterlife, we just gotta get existential immediately]

[postictal]

[??? oh lord]

I...don't know? I...don't think I would know.

[eudaimonikos]

I really have no way of telling, either. Maybe killing sharks is immoral, here.

[Shit. Does he have to worry about all the animals he hunts having self-awareness or whatever?]

[postictal]

If they're ghosts, aren't they already dead?

[Which...kind of makes them unkillable? Jesus, he doesn't need this on top of everything else.]

[eudaimonikos]

No, I mean the regular sharks.

[That's a fair point, though; Michael wasn't about to go hunt down any regular sharks.]

So, wait. They're ghost sharks - but they're still dangerous?

[postictal]

Somehow, yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna go sticking my hand in one of their mouths just to double-check.

[eudaimonikos]

[There is a beat of silence, during which you can just feel Michael weighing this option.]

Yeah, not worth it. Well, that sucks.

[postictal]

Look, if you wanna hunt sharks, I bet there's still a bunch of tigersharks around somewhere. Just make sure you don't get actually eaten by a ghost shark if you're gonna do that.

[eudaimonikos]

No, I was only trying to take advantage of the magic shark thing. Without that, there's much easier things to hunt. Unless people particularly like shark meat?

[postictal]

I mean, it's edible. I'm pretty sure it's edible anyway. I dunno how good it is, though.

[He doesn't wanna know if ghost sharks are edible to anyone but ghosts.]

[eudaimonikos]

The fish I catch in the ocean are fine. I don't really know how to cook, though.

[He hasn't gotten sick yet, so he figures he's doing it okay?]

[postictal]

What, are you eating them raw?

[DUDE denny has free food like, right here!!]

[eudaimonikos]

No! I'm pretty sure I'm doing the cooking right!

[He's just saying that he's not good at it. It could probably be better.]

Don't humans do that sometimes, though?

[postictal]

Yeah, I guess. I dunno how to do that without making everybody sick, though, so -

[Look. Look, that's not the point.]

Look, you realize you can eat here if you need to, right? Like, you don't have to catch fish and try to cook it yourself if you don't want to?

[eudaimonikos]

Oh - well, sure.

[Michael sounds a little off-guard, like he hadn't really expected that.]

But I don't need to eat as often as a regular human. It doesn't really seem fair for me to dip into the communal stock.

[postictal]

If you're trying to cook fish and eating them raw half the time, it's really not a problem if you wanna eat here sometimes.

...unless you need water or something today. Then you're probably outta luck.

[eudaimonikos]

My problem's usually in the other direction. I'm used to burning things!

[ha ha ha gotta love that torture humor]

You all can't just not drink forever. How long do you last?