LupNet broadcast, backdated 7/23

[hellawrath]

[Some of you may have noticed that, barring a brief appearance during Storytelling, Lup hasn't been seen or heard from anywhere in the past week? Well, good news! She's on the iStone network now!

Sounding uhh, incredibly furious, voice rising in pitch and volume the longer she goes on. It's possible she may have done something dumb, passed out for five days, and awoke to her camp turned even more of a gay disaster than it usually is. It's fine, she just Needs To Yell here for a bit.

Unfortunately, somebody forgot to hide her Stone.]

YO ENSO, any other fools around here looking to report their recent fuck-ups?? Any like, japeries, shenanigans, ill-advised adventures or stupid-ass experiments in the last, I guess five days, that you wanna fess up to? Anybody tried fucking licking the goddamn robots yet? Where we at, folks?

And hey, if anyone you know can't get their head outta their ass either, let me know! I gots callouts for days!

[A brief pause, and then notably gentler:]

Not you Ren, you're amazing, sweetie.

Comments

[solperierat]

...do I wanna know what happened to you?

not here!!!

[catpiper]

[Somewhere, probably three feet away from Lup, she hears this message and feels like she is amazing. Her arms go up and everything. Thanks, Auntie. Have fun calling out everyone!! Yell at them for being brave!!]

[hellawrath]

Oh, nothing much! [The amount of artificial sweetness in her voice would put diet coke to shame.] Also? Not the fucking point, homie! What've you been getting your furry ass into these days?

yells!!

[hellawrath]

[WOW. Wow. Thanks!! She will!! This is why Ren is the best gremlin that there is.]

[ohshitsweetflips]

Listen, Lup, you know I love a good yell sesh as much as anyone-- probably more! I probably invented it! But have you considered this is just post-nap crankiness proportionate to a really big nap and we didn't do anything wrong? You want like some fruit or something? You know, you've always been kinda an-- you wake up angry, maybe have a snack and then forget about it, maybe don't put an entire island on blast? You know how it is.

[postictal]

[JESUS. WHY IS THERE SHOUTING. WHO'S SHOUTING.]

- fuck. What happened to you?

[hellawrath]

[Oh she thinks the fuck not. Lup may start out in that sickly sweet voice, like, let's gather 'round kids and be open and respectful with each other--]

Hey, hey Taako? How about you don't-- [--and that's about as long as that tone lasts.] I woke up fresher than a cat's asshole, Taako! That was the longest rest I've had since getting my body back, that was-- I was feeling fucking great! Until I had to hear about my dumbass brother and his idiot boyfriend's goddamn jackassery while I wasn't-- during my nap! Y'know, if you're that eager to get dunked on, I can get that for you!

[hellawrath]

[You wanted more shouting, you said?]

I had myself a dope ass lil nap and woke up to an entire camp full of-- fucking, irresponsible little SHITS is what happened! So how about you just tell me what bullshit you let your kids get into, Timbo, so I don't gotta come over there and check?

[Underneath all the righteous fury is, perhaps, a hint of real shakenness at having missed an entire week.]

[yourattention]

I resent the implication here that I haven't already licked a robot. [He hasn't.] You wanna hear something fucked up, though? The robots caught feelings and died!

[hellawrath]

[Finally, somebody who's at least straightforward about being a little shit and/or an idiot.] Shit, that's exactly the kind of terrible news I was hoping to hear, thanks my dude! [She wasn't.] To what do we owe that particular bummer?

[yourattention]

So I dove into the water and found a fake iPad that saaaaaaid. [There's some sounds of pages being flipped.] "I will not be inputting an arbitrary set of untested morality systems into our prototype guardian units and you can choke on a root for thinking this is easy.", then a bunch of PA bullshit, and "They have their whole lives to fix my work, assuming it ever reaches them."

[postictal]

[Where does he even start.]

Timbo?

[That's an easier point to address than your kids. As if - come on, he's - the cover story. He's the convenience. He's just someone they need to get by, to deflect inquiries, and the more he dwells on it, the less sense those excuses are starting to make.]

We found flowers, and we found dead robots. [So, you know, the fucking usual.] Why'd you have a...nap, anyway?

[hellawrath]

... What the fuck. [Hey at least that seems to have slowed her rage roll a bit, good job.]. That sure is one salty customer but I guess that's allowed when you're dying. So you think the robots were fine until somebody implemented those changes anyway and they caught the flowers? I mean, that's kind of a stretch? They weren't prototypes if they were functioning for what sure sounds like centuries.

[yourattention]

There's also, like, code? I dunno if it was the code this guy wrote or what but it looks like what they wanted to do was if, like. Someone was injured or trying to injure themselves? The robots would stop it? But this, uh. Probably made them susceptible to the flower disease.

[Jury's out on whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, probably.]

[hellawrath]

You heard me!

[Listen, nobody's been inquiring into those kids' entire situations for months? Everybody who's ever exchanged more than three words with them knows they don't need an adult to survive. Get with the adopted family times.]

Cuz the ore is fuckin elf racist or something! I tried to transmute some, y'know, like we do, and next thing I know I wake up five days later to half the camp keeping a nerd in a pit trap! [Not technically how it happened, but closer than you might think.]

So, anybody do any dumb shit to the dead robots or the flowers?

[hellawrath]

What, so like, learning empathy got the robots sick? [That's some kind of hypothesis for sure, but--] I guess something must have changed to fuck them up, I mean-- they don't look like they stopped because they just weren't being used anymore, and anyway the ore continuously generates power on its own. They shouldn't have been able to kick it in the middle of doing their jobs? But I guess an update on all of them would do it. Poor fuckers. [Both the robots and the last people who, fuck, probably died when their caretakers broke down. She exhales roughly through her teeth.]

Listen, I'm gonna come by to check out the code. Not that robotics is in the ol' arcane wheelhouse, but-- [It's almost like not completely terrifying a literal robotics nerd would come in handy now, Taako and Kravitz. She's gonna have to play good cop somehow before they can expect help from that corner.] To be honest I could use the walk.

[tuskenlancer]

[ ummmmmmmmmmm. ]

...Are you okay?

[postictal]

Maybe because it's not normal ore. There's...some of the old records and stuff call it something weird. Floriocite, I think.

[But that explains quite a bit. She must've...ingested some? Something like that. Either way, the metal didn't react very well to being transmuted.]

Not that I know. Who's in a pit trap?

[yourattention]

I don't actually know of any diseases that can be transferred by emotions, but like. I also don't know of any human diseases a robot can catch so your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, since you're the fucking magic expert. Anyway, I'm - [There's an awkward pause.] Oh, right.

[Funny story: very faintly, in the background, you can hear the sound of water. He's not actually on land, he fucked off to the open ocean because sometimes he just does that? Sometimes he just sails out to the middle of nowhere and takes a nap.]

When you say "walk," you better mean literally and physically walking because it's going to take me half an hour to get home.

[hellawrath]

Oh shit, that clears everything up! Of course I shouldn't have tried doing science to something that's called Floriocite! Fucking-- what a basic fucking goof I made! [It could be called Screwyouicite and somebody would've still had to try and learn more about it, what's your fucking point.] It's not like an ore that generates its own power would be a fantastic fucking resource to be able to shape or anything!

[Anyway the pit trap incident is another dumb thing she's probably gonna have to fix and she makes a frustrated noise.]

The dude who owns the hellevator! I thought for sure somebody had filled those in already, ugh.

[postictal]

I didn't even know that someone owned that thing.

[He's going to skip over the part where she verbally excoriates him for not being on the up and up, thanks. That's the nice thing about tense conversations; he can simply ignore the parts he doesn't feel like addressing, if he so chooses. And he does, indeed, so choose.]

[hellawrath]

My expert opinion is that I've probably seen weirder than robots catching feelings and dying. [Snort. So helpful.] Could be like, a curse, but those tend to be linked to specific items.

Well I wasn't gonna levitate to Casa de Deathtrap so uh, yeah. Where are you at?

[hellawrath]

Fucking fantastic! [She does not sound fucking fantastic. She sounds like maybe she got some stressful news and is projecting, a bit.] Anybody you know fuck up recently or what?

[hellawrath]

[And the nice thing about Lup is that she gets hella mad hella quickly, but she doesn't have the patience for real grudges. Just give her something else to impulsively fixate on.]

Well it didn't fucking like, get birthed by a mother elevator, if that's what you were thinking? He's-- he's one of ours, both the nerd and the nemesis of all stairkind. Cuz that's the kind of bullshit my bro mixes in with when I'm-- indisposed.

[postictal]

[TIM HAS MET THIS MAN. He has met this man and has no idea 8) ]

I didn't think they were here. You telling me it came through with him or something?