lifenet | text ; 8/10

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text ; 8/10

right, cant say im much for mass communication without a character limit but needs must. im new in town, got a couple questions, figured i could crowdsource the answers

1. how have you lot not gone mental from boredom? there's got to be something to do around here that isnt poking about that miserable other island

[This is to say that while Crowley is, in fact, genuinely bored, he's also sort of eager to help around the island (he likes feeling useful, don't @ him about it) but if he actually admitted that out loud he'd immediately crumble to dust, because he's a demon, and demons aren't helpful.]

2. follow up to point 1, has anyone got a good grasp of what animals can be hunted? ive seen flowering sheep and furbies and i dont wanna waste energy on something thats not edible

3. bad idea to swim in the lake? yes or no?

4. ill trade my left arm for a bloody tshirt if anyones got a spare

[Not technically a question, but please, he's dying squirtle.]

cheers

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I'm sure that is not true.

[It's an automatic response, meant to be kind. What's a societal beauty standard anyway, for a monster? At the question, Asgore frowns, casting his mind back. He's heard humans use "Christ" as some kind of oath. And he's fairly sure Krauser mentioned the full word, back in the chapel at Beacon...]

Oh...that is one of the human religions, is it not? I suppose they may have it in my world, but my people have not had direct contact with humanity for quite some time. Why do you ask?

That's nice of you to say.

[He doesn't quite sound like he believes it, though. It's just that it's meant to be scary, the truth of him, that's what demons were made to be, but it's one of the things that he's (mostly) made peace with, over the years.]

It'd make an explanation easier, is all, if you were familiar. God made all the angels, and back then we didn't bother much with time or bodies or physics. It's more fun to get about on Earth if you've got a body, though, and I'm alright with this one. [Better than the serpent, honestly.] But you've got humans, then? If they're on Earth still, where do monsters live?

There was a war, thousands of years ago. The humans imprisoned us in a cave system beneath a mountain.

[It's been a long time, and he has delivered this explanation before. Asgore can say it plainly enough, though his gaze skitters away for a moment. He wonders if it's easier for monsters who do not remember the war.]

[Crowley is a demon, this is true enough, but he's never been a very good one. At the work of it sure, but the... emotion behind it, the anger and the cruelty, that's never been him. Demons have little use for empathy, but Crowley's expression softens just a fraction, more open without his sunglasses to hide behind.]

That sounds like humans, yeah.

[The words are a little flippant, but his voice isn't. It's not difficult to see a comparison. A war. A banishment underground. Crowley got lucky, he still gets to see the sunlight.]

I'm sorry.

[That feels a bit strange, leaving his mouth, but he'll stand by it. He's sorry, he understands, even if it'd be harder to say that second part.]

...thank you.

[Asgore hesitates a little, not quite sure if he should speak in defense of humans, as a whole. But in that situation, well - they attacked first. There was no provocation; monsters had done nothing. Surely they were in the wrong then? No matter what came after?]

So yes, we very rarely see humans anymore. Most of what I know of their culture comes from the garbage that comes down in the river.

[Because it seems like everyone on the surface just throws their shit in the nearest body of water?]

[Thank you has been such a loaded term over the years, but Crowley allows it now without complaint. No one's watching, here, no one's breathing down his neck to make sure he isn't nice.]

Well, I figure you've gotten used to them by now, being here, but if you've ever got questions about it I've been on Earth for a good few millennia, could consider myself an expert on human culture.

[Don't ask him history questions, he never remembers those details, but culture, that's the best part of humanity.]

Just uh, out of professional curiosity, do monsters have gods?

[Always with the questions, always wanting to know more.]

No, not as such. There was a prophecy made, about an angel who would come and release us from the Underground - but that is more about a hope for the future, I think.

[They don't worship the angel, or anything like that. Many monsters seem to look to Asgore himself more than the angel, these days.

Asgore himself has long since given up a belief in such a savior.]

We do not have churches, or any of those things.

Best not to rely too much on angels, bunch of useless wankers, most of them.

[He understands that angels could be a term for something other than specifically God-made angels, but still, it's sort of contractually obliged that he get a dig in there, especially when his visit to Heaven is still fresh in his mind.]

It's not all it's cracked up to be, anyway. Religion, I mean. You're probably better off without it.

I think the angel is metaphorical.

[No one expects an actual literal angel to descend. They'd thought...he once thought...

Well. Never mind.]

I suppose. Some people do seem to get very worked up about it. [Asgore seems like he's trying to avoid saying anything negative about anybody.] But the only gods I have ever encountered were outside of my own world.

[Metaphorical angels are the worst kind of angels, honestly, although Crowley can't help but think of the Harrowing of Hell, which he'd rather just not talk about, so he's going to leave all that alone.]

That's one way to put it, I remember a lot of those wars. [Not just wars, but all sorts of horrible cruelties that humans have enacted in the name of the gods. Crowley loves humanity, as a concept, but sometimes they turn his stomach.] I've only known the one, can't say I'm a real fan. Never did hold with — [He cuts himself off, takes a sip of tea instead.] Well, all that punishment business. Always seemed a bit too harsh, for me. It's weird, though, not knowing if God can see me here. Is the Storyteller supposed to be omniscient?

[Asgore frowns at the mention of punishment, but...it's better not to pry.]

Oh, no, it is nothing like that. They are only a god of stories, not of...anything else. I had a dear friend in the last world I visited who was some sort of death god - though he was only a teenager. It was some kind of reincarnation, I believe.

Everything's a story, when you get down to the bones of it.

[Crowley's story might be said to have started in Heaven, but he doesn't think that's the reality of it, not completely. His story started in a garden, with an apple and a woman and an angel with a flaming sword.]

You've been somewhere else, though, aside from here?

Yes. Some others here were as well, but not the same place. Mine was called Beacon.

[Beacon was complicated and upsetting, and nobody really ever enjoys hearing about it.]

We had only just found our way out. That was where I got that traveling machine - we have nothing like it in my own world.

It's funny, turns out when you help make the universe, it gets real hard to hear that it's so much bigger than you thought.

[Crowley says this casually, lightly, like he isn't sort of admitting that his entire world view has been delicately shattered since arriving here.

He hasn't really talked about this to Aziraphale, even, but there's some things that are safer to say to stranger, especially if they're hidden behind humor.]

How long's it been since you were home?

[Asgore, meanwhile, just sort of raises his eyebrows and digests that Crowley helped make an actual entire universe for a second.]

...that must have been interesting. [He sips his tea, and that's enough to regain his composure.] Oh, around two years, I suppose. It is a little odd - there was one time when I woke up and found that several months had passed. As far as everyone else was concerned, I had vanished.

It was beautiful.

[Space, the stars, all the little debris scattered throughout the universe; Crowley had Fallen by the time Earth was happening, but he remembers the stars. He feels a bit sheepish about the answer, though, having given it, and rubs at his jaw idly before latching onto what Asgore has said.]

Is that sort of thing typical? Disappearing for a bit, that's — I mean, I've taken naps that lasted longer than that, but at least I knew where I was.

[Crowley would lose his entire mind if Aziraphale disappeared for that long, with no warning.]

I would not say it is typical, but it has been known to happen from time to time. It is far more common for people to disappear and never return at all.

[Which is kinda a rough thing to just bring up, yes, but it does happen. Better Crowley knows it's a possibility before he experiences it.]

[Crowley blanches, his teeth clicking together sharply as his jaw clenches. He tries to breathe through it, forcing himself to relax.]

Where is it they go? Home? Or — ?

[Or what? Somewhere else? Like how Asgore apparently went from one world to another. Where there people he left behind that he cared about?]

Home. Or wherever they last were, I suppose...

[Which is home for most people. Which, perhaps, is home for Asgore too, in a different way. There's nothing left for him in the Underground.]

They have come back sometimes, so we do know that much for certain.

Right. Good, I suppose. That's good.

[He doesn't mean to sigh in relief the way he does, but it happens and there's no real taking it back. Hopefully Asgore won't call him on it.]

Just a matter of waiting it out, then? Could be worse places to get stuck for a few years.

[He might end up eating those words, eventually.]

[Mmmmmm. Asgore doesn't like to speak ill of people, places, or things other than himself, but that seems like a dangerous misapprehension.]

Well, it can be rather dangerous here sometimes. Strange things do tend to happen.

[There's a flicker of a smile that lacks any humor.]

Not sure what you've picked up about Hell from humans, but the whole torture thing isn't just something parents use to scare children. [And Crowley was very, very close to ending up back there, getting tortured for the rest of.... forever.] Strange and dangerous isn't so bad compared to where I could be right now.

[Asgore blinks at that for a moment. Hell wasn't really mentioned thus far...and who is using things like that to scare children?]

I suppose you will be fine, then. And the Storyteller always resurrects everyone who dies here, anyway, so it could all be worse.

[His attitude towards dying is probably more casual than most, but]

[The thing is that Crowley might talk about being made by God, or having been an angel, but he's used to it being so obvious to non-humans that he's a demon. Like they should be able to smell the brimstone on him.]

It's been a while since I've been discorporated — [It does occur to him that this term might not make much sense, at least.] — Uh, since I've gotten a body destroyed. Good to know it might not be permanent if it happens.

[Might being the operative word, because even if Storyteller can resurrect humans, it works differently for demons and angels. Hopefully he won't have to find out.]

[Asgore thought demons were some kind of evil thing? Well, it must be different from world to world.]

I do not think you would give them any trouble. They have done it for me before, and a monster's body turns to dust when they die.

[If they can rebuild him out of nothing more than a pile of dust and a shattered soul, he imagines they could do it for most people.

Anyway, that's...sort of a depressing topic, and he doesn't want to go talking about his own deaths. Their tea is probably nearly done by now anyway. Didn't Crowley come here for a reason?]

Ah, but never mind that. Would you like to see the garden? You can come back for cuttings later, of course, if that works better for you. Have you settled in somewhere yet? [He hasn't seen him around, but Asgore only frequents two of the five islets.]

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