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[demonicmiracle]

right, cant say im much for mass communication without a character limit but needs must. im new in town, got a couple questions, figured i could crowdsource the answers

1. how have you lot not gone mental from boredom? there's got to be something to do around here that isnt poking about that miserable other island

[This is to say that while Crowley is, in fact, genuinely bored, he's also sort of eager to help around the island (he likes feeling useful, don't @ him about it) but if he actually admitted that out loud he'd immediately crumble to dust, because he's a demon, and demons aren't helpful.]

2. follow up to point 1, has anyone got a good grasp of what animals can be hunted? ive seen flowering sheep and furbies and i dont wanna waste energy on something thats not edible

3. bad idea to swim in the lake? yes or no?

4. ill trade my left arm for a bloody tshirt if anyones got a spare

[Not technically a question, but please, he's dying squirtle.]

cheers

Comments

[demonicmiracle]

Well, you could say the same for most things if you really want to get into it.

[He does not particularly want to get into it.

What if he just, gently redirects.]

Haven't heard that one before, "minsid". Where's it from?

[suspecteverything]

True. It's a wonder how any of us are sane at all.

Andaria. It's part of the United Systems, though I'm guessing you haven't heard of either one.

[demonicmiracle]

That's a question best left for the philosophers.

[Which is not him! Except when he's (of course) drunk and chatting with Aziraphale.]

I've heard of Earth and now this place, so that'd be a no on that one, sorry.

[And Heaven and Hell, but he's not being particularly open about that just yet.]

[suspecteverything]

Yeah, Earth keeps coming up around here. Nobody can give me any damn idea what system it's even in though.

[The annoyance of all these humans and their lack of technological advancements.]

[demonicmiracle]

Somewhere in the Orion-Cygnus arm of the Milky Way galaxy, closest other star to our sun is about four light years away and it's called Proxima Centauri. We've just called our galaxy group the Local Group, not very inventive, I'm afraid.

[Is this a normal amount of knowledge for a human to have about their solar system? Crowley figures it's probably fine.]

Don't know how much good that'll do you, if you're using a different naming system.

[suspecteverything]

Minsid hell. If that's what you call not much good information, I'd kill to see what you consider useful. If this place had any technology at all, or even just let me use what I have on me, I could probably pinpoint exactly where this "Earth" is.

[Damn it all, he really, really hates this place.]

[demonicmiracle]

[Crowley hums, seeming amused.]

Well, if you give me enough paper, I could draw it all for you.

[suspecteverything]

Draw what all?

[He can't help it. He's curious how much of a universe Crowley knows. Most people here have never dreamed of anything outside of their own planet while Jules is quite literally a space pirate.]

[demonicmiracle]

The galaxy group, the galaxy too, a couple notable points, probably. Not down to every star, obviously, but a rough outline. Been a while since I've had to sketch it all out, but I remember the basics.

[It's been a while since he's seen the blueprints, is what he's not saying. That gives too much away.]

[suspecteverything]

You're shitting me.

[Dude, even he doesn't think he could do that with his own galaxy and he travels the stars as a trade.]

You involved in space travel?

[demonicmiracle]

[Welp okay, there's the line of what's too much for a regular human to know. Good to learn it quickly.]

Just an interest in astronomy and a good memory. Afraid we haven't managed to get off the planet yet for much more than quick trips around the solar system, but the technology to look at the stars is improving by leaps and bounds.

[That's one of the things he loves about humans, how they look at the stars and seeing something worth reaching for.]

[suspecteverything]

[Not a regular human on Earth maybe, but other places. Jules may not be human, but there are quite a few human populated planets within the United systems. Of course that doesn't mean his gut isn't saying something is slightly off here.]

Yeah, that was the general drift I got from everyone else here. I'd say you're missing out, but hell, I'm sure there's enough assholes on your own planet that you don't need more shit from other places.

[demonicmiracle]

[At some point he's going to drop with the human act, but it's ingrained by millennia of habit.]

Some seven billion of them is about enough for me, yeah. Not that I'd say no to trip around the stars, but it'll be a long time off for us.

[suspecteverything]

[Jules bursts out laughing even though Crowely can't hear him. He gets the feeling he's going to like this guy, which is weird because Jules doesn't like much of anyone. Then again, all of his friends are kindred spirits in the asshole/people suck variety too.]

Sounds about right.

[demonicmiracle]

You know, there's gotta be a joke about assholes and blackholes here somewhere, it's just escaping me at the moment.

[Why is he like this.]

[suspecteverything]

Something along the line of there being just as many assholes out their as blackholes and that their assholeishness is just as never ending as a blackhole I'm sure.

[demonicmiracle]

If there were as many blackholes as assholes we'd be in real trouble, wouldn't be any stars left in the sky.

[It's true and he should say it.]

[suspecteverything]

Point taken, though the universe in a damn big place.

[There are entire sectors of the United Systems that you steer well clear of due to the number of black holes.]

[demonicmiracle]

So I've heard. [Honestly, he hasn't actually been to the edges of the universe, just the parts that he was involved in.] But there are a lot of assholes, even on Earth, and now it turns out there's a whole bunch of other places out there, probably full of the same thing.

[suspecteverything]

Never been to earth, but yeah, I'd assume that. Andaria is full of assholes, with one in particular bigger than all the others combined. Triosa isn't much better, though at least it's not led by an asshole. Just a bastard who doesn't have much in the way of balls.

[demonicmiracle]

Always an interesting combination, that.

[Bastards without balls come up surprisingly frequently in human history, especially in the leadership.]

Earth's not all bad, though, there's a lot of stuff aside from the assholes. Mostly wine, and music, we really nailed music.

[He can use "we" here, he's influenced enough musicians during his time on Earth to lay a little claim.]

[suspecteverything]

[Given this particular bastard without balls is human, Jules would believe that without question.]

Triosa's pretty endowed with those things too. Must be a human thing, I guess. Andaria isn't exactly known for any of those.

[demonicmiracle]

So you've got humans on other planets, then?

[Crowley, internally: DID GOD PUT HUMANS ON OTHER PLANETS AND NOT TELL ANYONE????

Seems like Her, honestly.]

[suspecteverything]

Lots of other planets. And outposts. A few space stations.

You don- Oh, right. Your planet hasn't discovered the joys of commercial and pleasure space travel. You probably don't even know if there are other inhabited planets within your system.

[demonicmiracle]

[Crowley can safely say, with the knowledge of someone who crafted those planets, that Earth is the only inhabited world in their universe. Aside from those aliens that Adam apparently conjured up — he's certain they don't count.]

Could be little martians living under the surface of the next planet over, for all we know.

[He thinks this is funny. It's the dinosaur bones thing all over again.]