lifenet | iStones, april 6

[To that, Guzma takes a deep breath. He's awake now, cursing softly under his bed as the hammock creaks when he moves to shift out of it. Might as well make himself some Tapu Cocoa to relax, because heaven knows he needs it now.]

A god, huh? [He's not disputing it - there's a whole slew of them in this world. Heck, even his world considers a lot of the legendary Pokemon as some sort of "god-like being". The Tapu especially are literally called the island deities by the local people. It's the fact she eats it up unblinkingly is what's so concerning. God talk is...touchy. Extremely touchy, and it shouldn't be shoved on a kid with no previous knowledge or experience. It's not so much who, or even what, Ren believes in, it's that she has nothing to base her beliefs off of. So she just does what she's told, without question.

That's not how a child should be raised.]

And what's this god like? What's he about? What're his powers? Is he a good god? Why's he so good, or so bad? What'd he do to be so good, or so bad? How'd he become a god? Why's he so important now, all of a sudden? Hm?

Did you ever...stop to think'a all that? Stop to think why you should even care?

[Judging by the abrupt silence on her end, none of those questions had ever passed through her mind. The other girl seemed to like the god, so she went along with it. One that likes stories, pokemon pictures, hearing jokes-it didn't seem bad. She still doesn't think it is.

But she doesn't have an answer for Guzma, other than the nervous-

No.

[-that comes through a few seconds later. Then there's another long pause, an oof as she lays on her back to look at the stars, clutching the istone between her fingers and holding it high above her head.]

I don't know that stuff. I didn't ask things like that.

Why?

[He really doesn't intend it to be as biting as it is, and Guzma even takes a moment to exhale, to gather the things he needs for his cocoa, rubbing his eyes and pushing back his hair. It's like lecturing a child, and he hates it. He hates it, because he knows what it's like to be on the receiving end, and boy does he hate being put into the shoes of who was doing the lecturing in his childhood. It makes him a bit ill, actually.]

Why don't you ask questions like that? Do you really think it's okay not to know things? [The scratch of a match igniting catches over the stone, and the crackle of a fire being lit slowly, as Guzma ignites the small fire pit he has inside his home, to heat the water for his cocoa.] ...Do you think it's okay for people to tell you what to do, or who to believe in?

[Why?

No one's ever asked her why and she can't answer why because she doesn't know why.

She knows that those questions don't ever pass her mind, that she doesn't try to figure out the why behind most things. It's all accepted-sometimes not easily, but taken at face value all the same. If someone she likes says something's good, it is. She doesn't need to ask, if they already know.

And she knows people don't really tell her do anything. She flits around without many obstacles and the few that exist, she backs down from. The questions she asks aren't ever in relation to why, in this sense. She asks about flowers, about families, about the shapes of clouds and why food is spicy, but not-

Why? She grew up knowing it was meaningless to ask and she's followed that mentality here. There's a slight pause in her voice, not out of fear or distress-just confusion.]

That kind of thing-

[The voice of reason in every situation is typically the person next to her, so long as they aren't suggesting anything wild or dangerous. It's how she's always gotten along, moving from scientists, to shin, to seto, to-]

If my heart doesn't say 'this is scary,' then I don't know what to do, so-

[She doesn't ask why.]

So you don't think?

[He scowls at the dim light illuminating the space he's in, unable to keep the brief moment of frustration from his voice. It's not her fault, he knows this, but it's frustrating that she's lived up to this point not questioning things around her. Not asking why, and not being educated by those with more worldly experience and more intelligence and wisdom than her. It's baffling to Guzma that there are enough adults, enough people here, and not a damn one has even made the attempt to try and teach this kid anything.]

Let me tell you something, kid. Something you ain't gonna like, but something you need to hear.

People lie.

Good people, nice people, people that don't seem scary...they're the ones that are sometimes the scariest. Because they know how to lie. They know how to get on y'all's good side...say exactly what you wanna hear, know how to tell your heart it's not scary, and honey their words just right, so you're stuck believing everything they say without asking why. Why should I listen to you? Why should I trust you? Why is that important? Isn't that dangerous? Isn't that going to hurt someone? Isn't that going to hurt me?

[He closes his eyes, brows knitting into a tight knot as his teeth grind behind pursed lips, as a matronly face comes to mind. Sweet, kinda, accepting, smart, strong. The face of a liar.]

You're a good kid, Ren, but people take advantage of that real easy. So you gotta start thinking a lot more. You gotta start asking questions. Here, especially, when any second one'a your friends can become someone diff'rent...and y'all won't even know it. It's scary, isn't it? If I suddenly asked you to swim out into the ocean? You'd be scared, right? Even if it was me, that's scary for you. Even if I held your hand, and led you out as far as possible, it'd still be scary.

[Those words slam, slam, slam right into her heart, rattling her like the sound of a door slamming shut used to, right before it encased her in a tube she knew was going to hurt other people and hurt her and she was too afraid to ask why.

Every word out of his mouth is one she holds onto, clutching her rock like she's grasping his hands because he can't know, but he's talking like he knows.

If she had asked why, back then, it wouldn't have mattered. Wouldn't have changed anything. She should have run away-should have accepted her fate and not dragged Seto into it.

But if she had asked why-if it ever once occurred to her that she could ask why, while she got poked and prodded for an experiment doomed to fail from the start-

If she had asked Shin why, when he told her to get into the machine anyway-

Would something have changed, if she had ever asked why?

Probably not. It definitely wouldn't have. His heart was too corrupt to listen to her brand of reasoning. He was never able to hear her and she could only feel the true depth of this thoughts at the very end. But-

She never thought to ask and now that he's saying it out loud-calling her out on something she never saw as a problem.

She doesn't know what to say and it may not be clear from her silence that she's trying to understand what he's saying, but she is. She's listening. Every word that comes through the stone is felt and she-]

It would be scary. I know you wouldn't let go and it wouldn't hurt, but-

[If it wasn't him and she blindly took his hand, like she would do, walking out to the sea-]

How do I know if someone's lying? I can't feel everyone's heart here-I don't know-

[But he said it, didn't he? Ask questions? That makes her pause again, as it comes back to her. She can't rely on a power that doesn't work on everyone and maybe that's why.]

That's when I ask that kind of thing, right? When I think 'I don't know?'

That's the hard part, you won't know until you're lied to. [He squeezes his eyes shut, as the fire snaps loudly, like something breaking. Something unseen, but felt.] Until you walk out into the sea and feel yourself start to sink.

[Until you're drawn into a portal, encased in writhing tentacles that sear white hot with poison, made to relive the worst, most terrifying feeling of desperation and horror like a sand dial turned over, and over, and over again... Until a black hole starts pulling you apart while crushing you flat at the same time.

Crack. The fire pops loudly again, and Guzma exhales, pulling back the pot of boiling water enough to let it slow to a simmer.]

Asking questions helps, yeah...but the best questions are the ones you ask yourself, kiddo. Y'all keep talking 'bout how you can feel people's heart n' all that, right? Have you ever tried feeling what's in your heart before? Y'can't keep depending on others to have all'a the answers, Ren. You gotta ask questions, you have to decide what you wanna believe, and you have to make the choice to follow what in your heart, not no one else's.

Saying no is always an option, girly.

No?

[Saying no is always an option-

He says that so casually, so suddenly, so blase, like it's an obvious answer she glazed over, when the reality is it never was an answer-No was never an option. It's never been an option.

And it's weird, how he's just talking and-

He doesn't know that her heart isn't something to follow. Doesn't get the bad choices she made out of fear or understand the difficulty in relying on herself to make important decisions that aren't flight responses because-

Her fingers tighten around the rock and she turns away from camp, lowering her voice to a whisper so they won't hear her. Although she's sure they're not listening-she's too far away and it's too late in the night.

But even as she opens her mouth, something trembles and she stops after 'Something' because if she says this, it won't change anything. He's probably going to be mad-he's already on a fine line that she's tread across too many times to not learn her lesson.

Her heart is bad is what she wants to say. She doesn't know how to make it better, is the question she wants an answer to. She doesn't try to feel her own heart because when she did, it made her run run run to the wrong places and hide hide hide from the wrong people. She didn't say no when they ran the tests, when they were going to go through with glass cage, when she knew Seto was trying to find her and all she had to do was say no even though no would've killed her sooner than her disease would. Her heart never once thought no in a meaningful way-it never came out of her mouth, no matter how many times she thought no, no, no during the tests, the painful experiments, the-

She can't stay silent and the small confession tumbles out quietly all the same. Slowly. Softly. As if the tone will keep it from lighting the match she knows is close to being lit. But his words did reach her, in a way she didn't expect, at a time she didn't think and-]

My heart isn't very good, but I'll try to make it better, so I can say 'no' too.

Yeah well, here's a hot take - no one's heart is very good. No one's. And I don't mean that to be a jerk, it's the dang truth that none'a your friends and family wanna talk to you about, even though they should. People have good in their hearts, 'course they do, but that doesn't mean there ain't bad parts, neither.

You can't be good without being bad first, and making mistakes, and acknowledging that what y'all did was a mistake t'begin with. If everyone was good, then no one would change, no one would be better than what they are. They wouldn't have a reason to do anything else'n what they're already doing, even if it might be wrong.

[He sighs, the clink of metal scraping against metal as he mixes his cocoa into the pan and just...fucking drinks from the pot. It's early and he just doesn't have a single fuck to spare right now.]

Bottom line is y'all have to try, yeah. [There's a soft slurping sound on the other line and a long exhale.] ...Sorry. For going off on you, sweetheart.

[The way his words comfort her is likely unintentional, but it's the first time she's heard someone in such a way that makes her think-

It's not so bad.

That maybe her heart isn't terrible, if she can acknowledge what she did was bad. That it might be okay to say that was bad and make sure it doesn't happen again, but-

That's probably a thought for another day. Her ears perk at the sound of him drinking and the apology. Which is weird-he's never apologized to her before, not that it's ever necessary to do so. There's nothing worth apologizing for.]

You don't have to say 'sorry.' It's okay.

[But even with all this unforeseen help and comforting pep talk, she still doesn't entirely understand jokes. Maybe-

She can make him laugh, by reciting a joke she was told earlier and figure out this arcane secret once and for all.]

What's the first a wizard does in the morning?

[It's always necessary to apologize for wrongdoing. Guzma knows he comes on strong, and that his temper gets the better of him, he's fully aware of the consequences when he really snaps, and that the things he says and does can break or burn his relationships. He's seen it happen countless times in the past. It's just...now he actually cares about those consequences. It's half why he very quickly says--]

Yes I do have to say sorry, and no it's not okay. I don't got no right t'yell at'cha because I'm mad at something y'all got no power over. But whatever...tell me the joke.

What does a wizard do first thing in the morning?

[The explanation is weird because she's not really worth apologizing too. She's not the type to hold a grudge or get angry anyway, but it doesn't feel right to brush off something that sounds like it was hard for him to do. The lecture's over and done with, in her mind, so-

She does pause. Thinks about saying thank you, but that doesn't sound right either.

That's a problem for another day, maybe. She's not used to people apologizing to her and even less accustomed to
reacting to it.]

They wake up.

[Apologizing is difficult, yes, but it needs to be done, it needs to be said. Acknowledging your mistakes, accepting they were made, and working to be better...saying sorry is the first step. He's not a good person, Guzma knows that, but he'd like to get better. Little by little.

The silence lingers, and he raises his brow, then the punchline comes up and there's a brief snort. Oh, that...that was awful. But it got a short and brief chuckle out of him for how bad it was. So, clearly, he has to join in. Those are the rules of a terrible, punny joke off. He didn't make them, but he is a law abiding citizen (no, he's not).]

Nice. I got one, too. Where do Mimikyu buy their milk and eggs?

[The snort, brief as it was, puts her at ease after the tense conversation. A Mimikyu is?? Probably a pokemon?? Do they buy things?? Is this a trick question? She rolls back onto her stomach and tries to think of what this joke answer could be.]

Spicy Treasures?

[Or]

Denny?

[Do people even buy things anymore?? She's pretty sure it doesn't work like that at either place, but you know.]

[Oh my god, child, you are so absolutely dumb it's kind of cute sometimes. One day you'll be smart though, god help him if he can't put at least some worldly knowledge into your head before he leaves or dies.

But! Punchline. Guzma's not really thinking about the fact Ren probably doesn't know what a Mimikyu is, a bit too caught up in his own stupid joke. These sort of childish Pokemon puns were a delight with the, uhh...less intelligent of his grunts, or the ones that were easily amused.]

The ghost-ery store. [IT'S SO DUMB. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB, BUT HE CAN'T HELP THE GRIN ON HIS FACE.]

iStones, april 6

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