[ LET'S PLAY A GAME ] ; i'm just such a happy mess

[ungrieved]

        _______
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____|____

[That's it. That, and...a number of blank lines for people to guess letters. If they're interested in playing, that is. He apparently hasn't seen fit to explain the game, but if you stay tuned, you might catch the general gist of it.]

[[ooc: guessable words are in the comments. Please feel free to threadjack/make new words at your leisure!]]

Comments

[catpiper]

[Okay, so that's a no. The problem with this game is becoming increasingly apparent as the point totals start accumulating in his favor. She's given herself a grand total of 1 for trying though.]

I've seen a bear. They were in a book. They like porridge-that's what they eat.

[Incredible.]

What animal makes that noise?

[ungrieved]

[The issue is that Gabe can’t even contest that, really. Bears eat porridge, she says, and that sounds vaguely familiar enough for him to feel like that’s a perfectly adequate assumption to make. He’s certainly not the ideal for teaching Animal Diets 101.]

[He also realizes that he may have fucked up, a teensy bit, as he wasn’t expecting her to give up and then ask for the answer instead. He hadn’t thought to prepare an answer beforehand, and admitting that it was a ploy would ruin the whole point.]

[So he says the first thing that comes to mind.]

A - heffalump. [...yes.]

[catpiper]

[Heffalump is not an animal she recognizes. It could be something specific to his world, to here and-

Finding out about new animals and creatures-that's exciting. It beats any dirty picture book she used to find laying on the ground and she's ready to get the full rundown on this mystery animal.]

Is it scary? Can you draw it?

[ungrieved]

[Not eager to be caught in the lie, Gabe keeps up the constant stream of utter bullshit, loud and proud.]

Real scary, [ he confides sagely.] Eats little kids for breakfast. Has these big tusks, like giant teeth, so it can rip you limb from limb.

[catpiper]

[She takes it back-don't draw this demon. She doesn't want to see it or hear that raspberry noise ever again she's terrified. Her whole body stiffens up and quietly asks-]

Are heffalumps here?

[ungrieved]

Probably.

[Stop him. For the love of god, someone stop him before he irrevocably traumatizes this well-intentioned child. He keeps talking like he's some kind of commended expert on the subject, and enjoying every awful second of it.]

You can't really hear them coming, see. That's the noise they make when they grab you. Bam! [He claps his hands together loudly, and grins.] Like that.

[catpiper]

[WELL.

SHE HATES HEFFALUMPS. This escalated. She wasn't prepared for the stakes this guy brought to the playing field and this game has turned into a nightmare. At least she knows to listen for these noises-the clap alone causing her to stand like she's gonna run right now immediately and makes her sleepy-eyed cat look up.]

Do they fly? Do they live in the ground?

[Tell her everything]

[ungrieved]

[On the contrary, Gabe seems to be enjoying himself. She's just eating this all up, isn't she? How long before she catches on? Will she? Is she just going to be stuck, terrified of these imaginary creatures forever?]

[That's amazing. He officially loves this.]

Both, [he decides with a firm nod.] Nowhere is safe from them. They could come at any time, and you'd be helpless against them.

[catpiper]

[Not good. Not great. Not fun. It's bad. Super, super bad.

She looks up to the sky, sees a cloud out of the corner of her eye that looks like it might have tusks, and jumps. It's only when it floats away and not towards them that she turns her attention below her, taking one foot off the ground to see if there's an indication something is under them.

There's dead silence as she assess what's happening around her and listens for any raspberry sounds or clapping. It's probably okay?? She doesn't hear anything. This guy doesn't look scared and he knows all about them. He'll be able to help monitor this area for heffalump activity.]

They don't scare you?

[He SURE doesn't seem afraid.]

[ungrieved]

Do I look like a little kid to you?

[SPOILERS: he is. Much as he might look and pretend otherwise.]

They only like little babies and stuff. They go down easier. Bigger grown-ups and stuff, they get stuck on their throats and make them choke. Turns their faces blue and everything.

[catpiper]

[The blue face comment would have thrown her off, if she hadn't already seen her fair share of dead bodies. It surprises her someone else knows that look. If he comes from a world covered in heffalumps, it might be a commonplace sight. How sad.

On the upside, she knows she's older than a baby and younger than a grownup. That puts her somewhere in the middle of the choking hazard spectrum. An unlikely target.]

Then we should-we'll tell the small kids to watch out for those things.

[Children who probably won't believe this wild story like she does.]

[ungrieved]

Definitely. You should spread the word, so everyone knows how dangerous heffalumps are.

[He's gonna turn the kid into a laughingstock. Like a little goblin. She's so earnest. What else can he lead her to believe, all without hardly even needing to try?]

[This could be fun.]

[catpiper]

[HOPE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF GABE

BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO.]

Okay, you should too. People will be safe if we tell them about this scary thing.

[She leans down to pick up her lil cat so she can get started on this quest.]

[ungrieved]

[EXTREMELY. EXTREMELY PROUD.]

Better hop to it. I hear heffalumps really like to eat cats. [Someone please stop him.]

[catpiper]

[OH. OKAY.

SEE? That?? That changes things. The cat predator variation of this monster terrifies her far more than the one that eats kids. Which is to say, she's terrified x10 and holds her cat close to her chest.

No heffalump will eat you nugget. Mama Ren is here.]

Okay, I'll run very fast. You should be careful too.

[ungrieved]

Oh, I'm always careful.

[But he still seems decidedly unbothered by all of this. In fact, he seems rather pleased. This is precisely the kind of reaction he always intends to elicit, and though he keeps regrettably falling flat, at least this is proof that he hasn't completely lost touch with it.]

[Or it might be because he's tormenting a LITERAL CHILD HERE but that hasn't crossed his mind tbh]

You watch your kitty's back, now.

[catpiper]

[She nods in a resolute, determined sort of way because now cats are involved. No need to warn her twice, nugget. She's going to protect all her feline friends.

And off she goes into the great beyond.]