voice (backdated to dec 1)

[deathfindsaway]

[Kravitz very rarely makes himself known on the network, but this is one of those things he feels is Important in a way he can't ignore. It's not that he's looking for pity- rather, he just needs to inform people. There's no tragedy in passing. There's no fear in something he can't reach.

He wishes he could believe that anymore.]

Hello, uhm-- this is Kravitz. For those who may be looking for them, it seems Lup, Taako, and Ren have all departed from the island. My apologies to those who used their services or... simply knew them. I'm not able to carry on the magic they did, but I'll do my best in providing what you need if you were getting some kind of service or items from their store.

[He takes a breath, but it's shaky, and forces any other uncertainty out of his tone.]

I'd also like to remind everyone that we do have a library here containing many resources and a workspace for study. Contributions are always welcome, and I have a number of archived pieces from other islands for study as well. Feel free to contact me if I am not around and I will come to assist.

That... that is all.

[ooc: Kravitz has a shiny new library page on his journal now, if people want to get involved!!]

Comments

[deathfindsaway]

They are gone. That is as much as I know.
Perhaps they all went to one world or another, or another entirely, but... they are not here now. Not anywhere I could hope to reach them.

I'm sorry.

[postictal]

why are you apologizing to me

[He's not the one who lived with them. He knew them, sure, but - probably not as well as Kravitz. He knew them all best. Ren, he's sure, he knew better than Tim ever could.]

[deathfindsaway]

I'm delivering bad news, and perfectly aware that this is not pleasant for anyone who needs to hear it. My apologies are for needing to convey this, even if it is necessary.

What I am saying is, I know it hurts. So I am sorry that I come only with bad news.

[postictal]

sure you're not talking about yourself there buddy
you're the one who has to tell everyone

[Not really. Not "has" to. Just...chose to. Felt like he had to.]

[deathfindsaway]

I mean, I know it is difficult information to hear, regardless of how hard it is for me to tell.
So I thought I should apologize.
But it has been difficult from my end as well.

[postictal]

at least you're admitting it
you gonna live in that old place of theirs still

[Which maybe comes across as a callous question, but he...might be a bit concerned that Kravitz is doing exactly that. It's a big space. And, without anyone else to fill it with, a pretty lonely one.]

[deathfindsaway]

[Gee tim, what would you know about self-isolating in the husk of everyone who's ever left you, gosh. He sure is right though.]

I was planning on it, yes.
Ren brought home another islander as of late and this is her home as much as mine.
Besides, they may return, and I'm sure they would be unhappy to see I let all of their efforts go to disrepair.

[postictal]

you're not alone there?

[All right. That's...better than he would've expected. Unless, by "another islander" he means - ]

i mean you've got someone there other than your bird right

[deathfindsaway]

I can see where you may have thought that. No, it's another person. Robot. Her name is Rabbit. I confess I don't know her very well, but at least she is present.
Just not in the same way they were.

I do also have Pepper, for posterity's sake.

[postictal]

shes not from home you mean

[Rabbit. Okay. He...doesn't think he knows her? Maybe he's seen her around. He can't say.]

either way
sorry to hear that theyre gone

[deathfindsaway]

No, she is not. Who knows how long she will stay. I am trying not to press too much hope there.

I appreciate your condolences as well, though. Thank you. Hopefully it will settle into normalcy soon. There is still much to do.

[postictal]

yeah it sounds like you're in denial

[Blunt? Definitely. But it's been that kind of year.]

you're not ok with this
stop pretending you are

[deathfindsaway]

[uhm excuse u, he can be in heavy denial in peace,,,,]

I don't know what good it would do for me to have some kind of mess over this. I mean, emotionally I'm sure, I just.

I don't really know what to say about it all.

[postictal]

you died from overgrowth didn't you

[It's a pretty brutal non sequitur that isn't really a non sequitur at all, but he thinks that it proves his point in the simplest way possible.]

[Not that Tim himself survived either.]

[deathfindsaway]

[Brutal... but effective. Kravitz swallows, thinking about it, and responds quicker than he means to.]

I suppose you're not wrong.

I just didn't have the words for it then. I'm not sure I do now. They will just be sorely missed, and saying that a lot of times doesn't really fix it.

[postictal]

does talking like that help you feel better

[You know. "They will be missed," in a general term, like couching misery in vagueness will make it easier to bear. Not I'll miss them. No, of course not. Just an impersonal statement - they will be missed.]

you think i don't know what it's like
you think i don't exactly how that tears you up

[deathfindsaway]

This was not meant to be a personal slight. I do not wish to insinuate that you do not understand.

This is simply... not only about me. It is about everyone who ever knew them, everyone whose lives they have touched. I want to respect that.

[Also known as, he never thinks it's entirely about him. He's removed from it. Things are never his, they're transient, they're as long as he can hold them before he's alone again like he always knew he would be. It's... just how it goes. Just how it runs.]

[postictal]

so you're not allowed to be a mess about it
got it

my point isn't that we've all dealt with this shit
we all have obviously
my point is that you're not letting yourself deal with it

[Not that Tim has much room to talk, again. But playing armchair hypocrite happens to be one of this talents.]

[deathfindsaway]

[It's a minute or two before he responds; even with the stylus making his typing speed much faster, he deletes and rethinks his words here a lot.]

I do not have anyone to listen that is not experiencing something worse. How would you feel if death came to get you from dying and wanted to have a conversation about themselves?

I simply know how much we are all going through. And I don't know how to ask for someone to listen without feeling their problems are paramount to mine.

There. If you were looking for reasoning or something. I don't think this is what you wanted.

[postictal]

you're not a death cop here anymore dude
you're just some guy

and so fucking what
your problems aren't bad enough or something?
what does that matter
do we have to search for the one person in the entire universe who's suffered more than anybody else and they get to complain but no one else does or what

[deathfindsaway]

I don't think so. In terms of looking for the most suffering person, since I don't think there is such a thing.

But you do bring up a good point. We all have issues. I simply didn't want to overwhelm others. Perhaps I could ask for someone to listen.

I'm still not used to being just a person. It's been a very long time.

[postictal]

alright
so it's an adjustment

i'm just saying we've got a clinic now so maybe someone in there is a licensed therapist or something

[Will Tim take this advice? Nope. He does not, as a rule, go to the clinic. Ever, if he can help it.]

[deathfindsaway]

I feel as if I would have heard of this previously, but there is no harm in checking. I appreciate it.

I suppose there would be no help in asking for recommendations though, since you don't have a point of contact?

[He knows, Tim. Everybody knows. That won't stop him from saying something.]

[postictal]

don't tend to go there so not really no

[Arguably, he needs therapy quite a bit. Arguably, because he's sure as hell not disclosing his shit to anyone if he can help it. Not unless they're already in the know.]

[deathfindsaway]

I expected as much. But I would still feel remiss not to mention it to you as well.

I appreciate your concern, though. It's kind of you.