a farspeech announcement

[yourattention]

Emotions. [The lack of introduction is partially because Connor rarely bothers anyways and partially because he's trying to minimize the amount of speaking he's doing.] They were banned on Ai'tuoh and I couldn't figure out why then but that's - the more you bottle it up, the faster the flowers grow. Every. Single. Time. You say "I'm f" -

[There's a hiss of pain and then a slow, shaky breath. Yeah, alright. That was maybe not a great idea, given that he knows that's literally how it's triggered.]

Every time you lie about how you feel, something new grows. Every time you tell the truth, I think - I think that's how you cure it. That's why the robots didn't get it at first. That's why the rates of dying were all different.

[Should he take his own advice? Probably. But he's not gonna.]

I have fluro, if you want it. It makes the nausea worse, but it makes it easier to breathe.

Comments

cw: the plot of deh

[yourattention]

The more I do that, the worse it gets! I fucking - I fucking bombed a building, Lup! [Technically, Gabe did. Connor's guilt over even letting it happen, though, is strong.] That's all I know how to do - ruin shit. I couldn't figure out how to get my shit together, so I just ruined everything. I ruined everyone's lives, because that was the only solution I could think of.

[There's a context Lup doesn't have here, about a letter that he still sometimes carries in his pocket and an entire medicine cabinet worth of regrets.]

And that's - at some point it's going to happen here. At some point I'm just going to - to fucking wreck my life because I don't know how to deal with it being nice and good and better than it's ever been! I don't know how to have friends! I don't know how to be a productive member of society! I didn't even - I wanted to fucking study art. How useless is that?

[hellawrath]

[She's kind of missing a lot of context, like how that building was on Ai'tuoh, where she set the library ablaze?? Where it was Connor who convinced her to maybe not totally indiscriminately burn all the ships? If she knew, perhaps she could tell him not all acts of fury and destruction are wicked.]

Listen, I went to a world where the people did nothing but study art! I learned to play the violin there! And it's not useless here either, if it brings a smile to Ren's face. Those cats you painted on every house for her birthday? She talked about them for days. [At least now she knows where to send Ren with a pot of glue and some marbles on a rainy day.]

You're already doing all those things, Connor. And I guess it's scary, right? If you didn't have it before? Can't lose things you don't have, that's just math. But that's-- that's no way to live.