a farspeech announcement

[yourattention]

Emotions. [The lack of introduction is partially because Connor rarely bothers anyways and partially because he's trying to minimize the amount of speaking he's doing.] They were banned on Ai'tuoh and I couldn't figure out why then but that's - the more you bottle it up, the faster the flowers grow. Every. Single. Time. You say "I'm f" -

[There's a hiss of pain and then a slow, shaky breath. Yeah, alright. That was maybe not a great idea, given that he knows that's literally how it's triggered.]

Every time you lie about how you feel, something new grows. Every time you tell the truth, I think - I think that's how you cure it. That's why the robots didn't get it at first. That's why the rates of dying were all different.

[Should he take his own advice? Probably. But he's not gonna.]

I have fluro, if you want it. It makes the nausea worse, but it makes it easier to breathe.

Comments

cw: parental neglect n transphobia

[hellawrath]

[She can hear the resignation poisoning him and it's just making her twice as mad on his behalf.]

Okay, so what? You're just gonna let some asshole who doesn't even fucking know you define who you are? You're gonna let anyone who didn't give a rat's ass about you in some other reality tell you what you can and can't do? Why give them that kinda power over you?

[There's the sound of spit hitting the ground, which is badass and poignant and not at all because her lungs feel like a compost heap.]

Taako and I, nobody wanted to deal with us when we were little. Hah, hard to believe, right? We were never any fuckin good to anyone, like, his constant night terrors ruined everybody's sleep on purpose and, and I was trying to be a girl for the attention, just to make life difficult for our-- for those poor people who got cursed with us when our parents didn't want us? I mean, we were like, gonzo the moment we could. And life on the road fucking sucked but we kept proving them wrong and we kept surviving.

If you can't fight for yourself right now, fight for flipping those losers just like, the hugest flaming bird! I'll deliver it to 'em personally when I get my ship back.

cw: the plot of deh

[yourattention]

The more I do that, the worse it gets! I fucking - I fucking bombed a building, Lup! [Technically, Gabe did. Connor's guilt over even letting it happen, though, is strong.] That's all I know how to do - ruin shit. I couldn't figure out how to get my shit together, so I just ruined everything. I ruined everyone's lives, because that was the only solution I could think of.

[There's a context Lup doesn't have here, about a letter that he still sometimes carries in his pocket and an entire medicine cabinet worth of regrets.]

And that's - at some point it's going to happen here. At some point I'm just going to - to fucking wreck my life because I don't know how to deal with it being nice and good and better than it's ever been! I don't know how to have friends! I don't know how to be a productive member of society! I didn't even - I wanted to fucking study art. How useless is that?

[hellawrath]

[She's kind of missing a lot of context, like how that building was on Ai'tuoh, where she set the library ablaze?? Where it was Connor who convinced her to maybe not totally indiscriminately burn all the ships? If she knew, perhaps she could tell him not all acts of fury and destruction are wicked.]

Listen, I went to a world where the people did nothing but study art! I learned to play the violin there! And it's not useless here either, if it brings a smile to Ren's face. Those cats you painted on every house for her birthday? She talked about them for days. [At least now she knows where to send Ren with a pot of glue and some marbles on a rainy day.]

You're already doing all those things, Connor. And I guess it's scary, right? If you didn't have it before? Can't lose things you don't have, that's just math. But that's-- that's no way to live.