[a very important iStone message]

[yourattention]

[There's a muffled "hey, no - you can talk to them when they get here" and then Connor clears his throat.]

So I'm teaching a bunch of Jormun children a card game, yeah? And they want to play with, and I quote, "everyone." You should come to the beach and we can all play a super fun card game that is very definitely appropriate for children.

[Suddenly, there's sounds of a struggle, and someone takes the Farspeech stone from Connor and yells HELLO into it before he can wrestle it back.]

Can you all chill? Like, please chill for ten fucking seconds. Jesus, okay. Real quick: I need 15 stories for a - well, actually it's for the things to build a greenhouse. Then I need someone to help me build it because I don't know shit about how to build real-ass buildings. You should also come to the beach and talk to me because - [There's a shriek, and the distinct sound of someone hitting the sand. Quietly: "ow."] I'm apparently not allowed to leave now. Or ever.

[A bunch of incomprehensible chattering, because a bunch of small children just tried to talk at once, and some very exasperated shushing on Connor's part.]

Okay, okay. Christ, I will be so glad when you're all out of my hair. The children say you're also all invited to arts and crafts tomorrow, so bring a rock and I'll teach you how to make a sweet trinket. Say bye, everyone.

[There's a chorus of very enthusiastic BYE from the small children.]

Comments

[postictal]

Then who do we have to burn at the stake when kids start asking about -

[...jesus christ.]

Spontaneous human combustion?

[yourattention]

It was either we played this or I had to teach them how to throw a hatchet?

[He figured having everyone uninjured won out? But also that's the least terrible thing he's explained to children today.]

So I've just been explaining everything like it's boring.

[postictal]

You couldn't think of some other harmless arts and craft to do?

[He mostly just sounds...resigned. Like, this is just their life now, and that's valid.]

[yourattention]

Some of them are playing with baskets. And by "playing," I mean "destroying."

[So when he's not explaining horrible things to children, he's repairing baskets for them.]

[postictal]

[Ah.]

You never did babysitting for quick cash back home, did you?

[Not that Tim did either, for fairly obvious reasons.]