[a very important iStone message]

[yourattention]

[There's a muffled "hey, no - you can talk to them when they get here" and then Connor clears his throat.]

So I'm teaching a bunch of Jormun children a card game, yeah? And they want to play with, and I quote, "everyone." You should come to the beach and we can all play a super fun card game that is very definitely appropriate for children.

[Suddenly, there's sounds of a struggle, and someone takes the Farspeech stone from Connor and yells HELLO into it before he can wrestle it back.]

Can you all chill? Like, please chill for ten fucking seconds. Jesus, okay. Real quick: I need 15 stories for a - well, actually it's for the things to build a greenhouse. Then I need someone to help me build it because I don't know shit about how to build real-ass buildings. You should also come to the beach and talk to me because - [There's a shriek, and the distinct sound of someone hitting the sand. Quietly: "ow."] I'm apparently not allowed to leave now. Or ever.

[A bunch of incomprehensible chattering, because a bunch of small children just tried to talk at once, and some very exasperated shushing on Connor's part.]

Okay, okay. Christ, I will be so glad when you're all out of my hair. The children say you're also all invited to arts and crafts tomorrow, so bring a rock and I'll teach you how to make a sweet trinket. Say bye, everyone.

[There's a chorus of very enthusiastic BYE from the small children.]

Comments

[piercetheheart]

We're practically in paradise, what do you need a greenhouse for?

I'm down for cards though.

[yourattention]

Climate control. You can't grow a lot of shit if - [There's some assorted screaming, but like. The friendly kind.] Oh my god, you little assholes! Play nice!

Anyway, a lot of stuff grows best in a controlled climate. A lot of stuff won't even grow in the humidity here.

[piercetheheart]

Hey, dude! Watch the language in front of the kids, yeah?

Yeah, sure there's plenty of stuff that's a little touchy but there's also plenty that will grow really good here. And there's enough variation in terrain that you've got varied soil composition too. Dark, wet shit for herbs, dryer earth for your root veg...

Seems like an awful lot of work for a greenhouse... unless there's something real specific you're thinking of?

[yourattention]

If their parents have a problem with it, they can come and take them off my hands. [The amount he just Does Not Care about curbing his language around children is a lot.] Anyway, I'm not trying to grow anything that won't already grow here. I'm trying to keep us all from starving because we depleted the Earth's nutrients and winter came or the island flooded again or it rained for three weeks straight and the crops are ruined.

[He lived through winter on Ensō. It sucked.]

[piercetheheart]

[Sorry Connor. Most tropical locales have pretty stable weather as far as he knows and he hasn't been here for any of the bad storms even.]

Okay, okay breathe, dude.

Look I've got something I gotta get but if I've got any credit left with the bunny I'll tell him to ply it your way.

And I can help you assemble everything. That's... probably the one thing I'm good for around here. You seen the shower set up over on the first islet? And our cottage is fixed up pretty well too so... yeah. If you need credentials there ya go.

[ichininyaanshi]

[A choked noise that sounds like it's supposed to be laugh, maybe, probably.]

Who the hell let you near their kids?

[yourattention]

They raided my house, roped me into playing, and now they won't let me go anywhere. [There's a whiny "Conner, play!"] See?

[As for why nobody has taken them away? Connor social-linked the Jormun and it has now come around to bite him in the ass because for some reason??? They trust him????]

[ichininyaanshi]

Eh? Your traps suck.

[Actually he's counting his blessings that they didn't come for him too, if they were that close.]

That aside, what are you getting at with this greenhouse thing?

[yourattention]

I disabled them, like I usually do when my Jormun friends come over. [He didn't think children would be raiding his house. He thought his friends would come by and hang out.] Anyway, what do you think I want to grow?

[He lied to Gladio about his primary motivation, but there's no point in lying to the other person in Operation: Weed Empire about the fact that it's a weedhouse.]

[postictal]

A greenhouse?

[That's...okay, actually not half bad an idea. But what's not a good idea is leaving Connor in charge of several small children, christ.]

Where're you gonna put it?

[yourattention]

It depends on what, uh. The Storyteller was not specific about what size greenhouse.

[Could he have asked? Sure could have! Did he? Obviously not.]

Like, I was just gonna put it behind the compound but depending on what happens that may not be a great idea? It has to go East-West.

[postictal]

I mean, I'd guess that would have to be down to you and how many materials you end up getting.

[Behind the compound...inland would probably be a good idea, considering that the coast has flooded in the past.]

It's a good idea. The weather here isn't always trustworthy, and in the winter especially, it'd be good to have someplace to keep stuff growing.

[yourattention]

Plus there's stuff from Monsun and Ziziphus that's not necessarily native and prooooobably shouldn't be kept with stuff from here.

[Is he worried about the long-term effects of randomly bringing plants in from other places? Yes, actually. Yes, he is.]

[savedbyasong]

You can have my stories, Ceej. I have four saved I think.

[A greenhouse would be very useful.] I'd be pretty useless at building one though. [A slightly self deprecating laugh.]

[yourattention]

Hey, one or the other is more than enough.

[savedbyasong]

I'd like to help though. You can probably have more stories, story telling will be soon won't it, so I'll tell more and you can have them too.

[yourattention]

Oh my god, Shion. I need like one story from ten people. You don't have to do that.

[There's a distant "That's the one in your notebook!" and Connor makes a strangled noise.]

Can you please not snoop in my shit? It's your turn. Play a card, you gremlin.

[deathfindsaway]

A greenhouse? I'm guessing for food, but-- food, right?

[He's not actually being judgmental about the weed, he's just trying to get his facts straight.]

Also, are you alright?

[yourattention]

Food and maybe other resources. Not wood - bamboo. It's a better renewable resource and it burns cleaner than wood.

[. . . But mostly weed. Realistically, Connor wants a place to grow weed.]

[deathfindsaway]

That makes sense.

[He doesn't know a lot about building, but...]

I, uhm, I've done some gardening in my time. I don't know a lot about food, but I've worked with flowers. If I could lend a hand, somehow.

[yourattention]

Gardening is kind of the same no matter what you're growing - although. We have an actual garden too, in the monkey compound. If you want to get practice in.

[It kind of takes care of itself, between the literal god that's cultivating it and the Weed Empire Idiots, but y'know. It's a community project so.]

[prettypurpleparlor]

I'd be happy to contribute a story for such a useful project.

[Muffet's always happy to help out with keeping everybody properly fed- her garden is thriving these days, and contains plenty of rare specimens she'd be happy to spread some cuttings of, just to make sure they're available elsewhere.]

[She does have a question, though:]

As for this card game... define 'appropriate'.

[Her tone is dry, albeit a little amused. She has some suspicions about your version of appropriate, Connor.]

[yourattention]

Well. The box says it's a party game for horrible people. [So, like. Not at all? Absolutely not appropriate for children.] In my defense, they found it in my stuff. I would . . . probably not let them play this otherwise.

[Like. Solid 75% chance he wouldn't. 25% chance he's too high to actually care.]

[prettypurpleparlor]

[The facepalm is practically audible in her tone.]

...you're teaching small children to play Cards Against Humanity.

[Yes, the spider lady is familiar with millennial culture. Surprise? Her introduction to the Surface world was a complicated and confusing one, and she picked up a great deal of knowledge about modern humanity, to varying degrees of usefulness.]

I suppose there's only so much one can do with that game, but I would recommend going through and discretely removing a card or two, just to be on the safe side.

[yourattention]

Like I said, I probably wouldn't be teaching them this but also you look at ten kids and try to convince them that they don't want to play a game that they're "too young" for. [He hecked up in telling them that. He'll admit it.] So I've just been kind of removing the worst cards as we go.

[It's fine! It's totally fine!]