lifenet | voice; dec 10

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voice; dec 10

Tch... this place sucks as much as ever.

[The voice that filters over the network sounds like it belongs to someone who would rather be doing literally anything else. Which is accurate. Ichimatsu doesn't exactly do public speaking. Hell, he hates even answering the phone back home with every strand of his DNA - which says something, considering he's got five other peoples' worth of DNA to speak of. But this is the fastest way he can think of to deal with his situation. At least he doesn't have to show his face; no way would he be able to do this then.]

[There's a slight sound of crunching snow in the background.]

Hey, all of you. Not that I'm gonna stop anyone, but don't bother going up into the snowy areas. It's cold as hell and there's suspicious-looking berries everywhere. Stupid-looking monsters, too. Dunno what the hell any of 'em do, but I'd stay away from all of it if I were you. You'll probably die.

[Why, exactly, Ichimatsu himself is up in the higher elevations of Ensō... he doesn't seem to feel like sharing. He wouldn't even bother pretending to be a good citizen and put this warning out at all if he didn't have an ulterior motive. The crunch of his footfalls pause.]

... oh, and if you recognize this voice, let me know. If you don't... then don't worry about it.

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[... they answered quickly. That doesn't surprise him as much as it would have once upon a time, but what does catch him a little bit off-guard is what they write afterwards. "Months" is about in line with what he was expecting - at least based on what Jyushimatsu told him - but their repetition of the statement... needless. Emphasis isn't like them.]

[Not that he can decipher what exactly is going through their head; but he notices it nonetheless.]

... I see. That long.

[what else can he say? they've had extensive conversations about this very subject, after all. About who would disappear first; one way or another. About leaving people behind, even. That it'd hurt.]

[No. There is something else he can say.]

W-well... I know I kept saying it could happen, but... it wasn't on purpose, you know.

I'm sorry.

not your fault

[They have perfect faith, after all, that if it were the end, if there was no hope that he'd be returning, if he knew it was coming - that he would not be like them. He would not slink away without some signal, without some token, of his goodbye.]

[There's no question of it in their mind. The fact that he apologizes at all simply compounds this belief.]

good that you are back

Is it?

[The question slips out from him before the filter can catch it, but if anything, it lacks the usual bitterness of his doubt - he sounds genuinely surprised. He knew he'd be missed if anything happened to him, which is exactly what made all of his friendships here so painful. For a guy who just goes and hurts and hurts and hurts other people whenever his feelings get hurt... he can't imagine welcoming someone back so easily. So kindly. Without a shred of resentment.]

[Then again; it's the Drifter. Not Matsuno Ichimatsu.]

[It's not like he minds being back again either, though, and that surprises him more than anything else. He's even got Jyushimatsu this time. How can he complain? All in all, everything seems to even each other out. Mere seconds after voicing his doubt, Ichimatsu comes to the realization that he actually agrees with them.]

... yeah, I guess you're right. It'd be shitty of me to not at least try and see things through by this point.

do not wish to be here?

[Is it selfish of them to think that? To be grateful for his presence, when...]

[The last time they had talked, hemmed in by wicked doubles of themselves, and everything they'd endured jointly prior to that point. Spitting up flowers and half-truths in an effort to stave off the sickness that was attempting to consume them (the sickness that wasn't even the same as the one already ravaging them alive), and a million other terrible, harrowing things faced both separately and together.]

[They are meant to be more selfless than this.]

[Ichimatsu holds back a sigh. Sometimes, he and Drifter seem incompatible in the most basic ways - he says a lot of shit that he barely means, and they take his words at face value all too often. It can be frustrating for both of them, but...]

[... that's just how they are, after all. Someone who doesn't doubt or question the people they consider friends. There's nothing in him that wants to change that about them. And, well, he would be lying if he said it wasn't a comfort in its own right, to see things are exactly the same between them now even though he's been gone.]

No, that's not it. [He pauses.] Well, it's complicated, but... don't sweat the other stuff. I'm glad to be back, too. Let's leave it at that, alright?

[His voice is low and warm. There's no lie in it at all. Ichimatsu's feelings are truly mixed about being here, but Ichimatsu's feelings are always mixed about literally everything in his life, so it's more of an existential background resonance at this point.]

[He tells them to let it go.]

[They don't want to push something that might be a pointless effort. He doesn't wish to address it. Does not wish to discuss it. When they've done the same - it is an act that they would want to be respected.]

[So if their selfishness can be indulged here, then perhaps his should be as well. It is only fair.]

ok

[Let it lie.]

[It does not have to endure if they do not let it.]

house may be empty now

Ah, yeah... it is. I already stopped by. [He does sigh this time, audibly, and it's accompanied by a soft scritching sound, like he's rubbing the short hairs on the back of his head.] It's fine, though... not like I had much in there.

[Not much that he'll miss, anyway. Except - Karamatsu's guitar. For some reason that thought catches against his skull like a burr, and he has to tear it out and let it go like everything else. He didn't even play it that much. Still kinda pisses him off to think that someone or something just took off with it, though...]

... actually, I'm more worried about Pachinko and Yachin. I know you probably haven't been by in a while, but... any chance you've seen 'em around?

[They should have cleaned it out. Should have taken the time to...]

[They cannot waste their time and their thoughts on "should." If they do that, they will eventually lose their mind and they know it. Their mind is the one thing about them that has not suffered as much as it should. Their body might be in shambles, but their mind still works. Mostly, it still works.]

[Instead, they focus on the now.]

have not
can look

[It doesn't occur to him for even a moment that his friends might feel responsible for taking care of his affairs - as far as he's concerned, he pretty much forfeited it all by not being there to claim it as his. Such is having grown up with five siblings.]

[Either way, he moves on without missing a beat.]

Thanks, but don't worry about it. If a cat wants to be found, they'll make sure you find them. [maybe the same could be said about him.] Save your energy for now. Where are you, anyway?

home

[There's a new development for you, Ichimatsu. They have a home now. It's not really theirs, but...they're taking care of it for now. That's the important thing. They could have split their time. They could have cared for both...]

caring for garden

Home? [Sure enough, that piques his interest right away; the soft background rhythm of crunching snow comes to a halt.] Thought you didn't really like staying in place.

do not
taking care of place

[A friend's place. They're just...not here right now. So.]

[A few moments of silence. Then the footsteps start up again, followed by a quiet, but violent puff of air, like he's trying to shake the cold out of his lungs.]

Anywhere I know?

[Anyone?]

shack on islet
bee house outside it

[That's probably fairly indicative, yes? Not many shacks have bee houses outside them.]

Hm. Got it.

[He doesn't question it. At least, not yet. Even when he was here last time, he almost never went to the islets once he ended up moving away from them for good. It's not that the memories of living there with his brothers bothered him... just more that there was nothing there for him anymore.]

[There's nothing anywhere for him right now, so there's no harm in continuing to drift around for a bit.]

You gonna be there a while?

until owner returns

[Someone has to take care of these flowers.]

[There is no logical, sound reason for them to think that they should commit so much of themself to caring for this abode, for the garden, for the bees and the various creatures that were kept here. They just...don't like the idea of the Knight's hard work having gone to waste.]

[Nothing should ever go to waste.]

I meant right now. You don't stand around there all day, do you?

[His tone doesn't sound as irritated as the words might imply. Then again, he knows he has to be direct sometimes. Good thing any pride he has to swallow is pretty much situational at best.]

I'm asking if I can come by.

not all day

[They still, after all, have inadvisable explorations to undertake, practically constantly. It's just harder to excuse it now that they've got these...tiny creatures that are semi-dependent on them. It's a new and uncertain feeling.]

yes

Good.

[He's not sure, exactly, why he even wants to meet up; it just seems like a better idea than wandering around pointlessly until he (hopefully) hears from Jyushimatsu.]

[Though... 'many months'. Maybe a part of him just wants to check on how Drifter is doing, too.]

Which islet am I going to? I only know the one my brothers and I used to live on.

[They have to take a moment to visualize it, to count and number the islets the way they're conventionally numbered. They visited them so very little until they actually lived (or not lived) in one of the homes there on purpose.]

the first

[The one that most refer to as "Islet One."]

[Hm. Was that the closest one or the furthest one from the farming area... ? He doesn't remember, and he doesn't bother asking, either. He'll figure it out eventually.]

'Kay. Might take a while. You don't have to stick around for my sake if you get bored.

See you.

[... and, as it turns out, it really does take him quite some time to get there. A couple hours, in fact. That's kind of on him for just fucking off into the mountains on a whim, but eventually, he comes strolling up from the distance, looking exactly the same as he had when he'd left: hunched over, wearing his cat hoodie and hygiene mask, hands shoved into his pockets.]

[If they're there, he'll raise a hand in greeting from far away.]

[Was he really expecting them to leave?]

[They haven't seen him in months. They could seek him out of their own accord, but the result there would likely be that they end up missing each other, which would only create more delays, and so when he says it might take a while, the Drifter denotes a list of things that they can tend to that will not require that they travel very far from the house.]

[Some of those things involve pruning the garden plants. It's a lengthy task, but the stationary nature of it has forced them to be better about patience, the way Ren taught them. The way that Ichimatsu taught them, in some ways.]

[His silhouette is, from a distance, unmistakable. Jyushimatsu's is one they've grown accustomed to, but the difference between them is as stark as the disparity between night and day.]

[At once, the Drifter stands. They dart forward in a chain of dashes that flash shadowed afterimages in their wake, skid to a halt just in front of him in an act that risks showering him with sand and dust. Their eyes are dark and assessing and they look him up and down as though asserting to themself that he is, in fact, quite real.]

[He appears to be. It would be best to empirically verify that, but - they're not sure how well that would be received.]

[Words seem inadequate. They generally are. The Drifter is not good with words.]

hello

[He's known the Drifter for a while, so in some regards, it'd make sense that they've changed in their own way over the time they've known each other. But change is subtle, and easy to miss over time. There's no single instance when it's more stark to Ichimatsu than this exact moment.]

[Despite himself, his mouth works into a slow smile behind the mask. Sure, it's nice to feel wanted... but more than that, they sort of remind him of an excited cat dashing towards a person it likes. That may not be the most flattering comparison, but for Ichimatsu, the types of fondness he feels for the few things he cares about in life are nearly indistinguishable.]

[Drifter falls in that category.]

Hey. Long time no see.

[He uses one finger to pull down the mask; his jawline is still peppered with stubble, the exact same as it had been before. If he truly did go home at any point, he never picked back up his civilized grooming habits. A beat passes, and as vulnerable to overwhelming feelings of awkwardness as Ichimatsu is - something about Drifter seems to erect walls of immunity from that particular discomfort around them.]

Thanks for waiting.

[Does he mean short-term, or long-term?]

[Yes.]

[They reach up and tug at their mantle very slightly. It is the closest to a self-conscious gesture that the Drifter generally gets.]

has been some time

[They didn't want to miss him. Didn't want to leave, and return only to have found that he had passed through and gone on without them. Did not want to force him to wait for them. They assume he means in the short-term, because the long-term is something so much beyond their control that it does not occur to them that he would be referring to that.]

[They cannot control death, or whether or not they stay, after all.]

[Ichimatsu makes a low sound of agreement. He'll find some way to make it up to them... eventually. His choice in the matter notwithstanding, it's his responsibility as the idiot who left a friend behind first. For now, though, he's taking mercy on the both of them and sticking to the present.]

Sorry. Took me forever to get down from the mountains. [He withdraws his hands from his pockets, displaying them out in front of him: they're still a tinge red from the prior cold.] ... but I figured you'd wanna see me in person. I know how this shitty place plays tricks all the time.

[So he says; but it's not just altruism that drives him. The opposite holds true, too.]

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