lifenet | voice (backdated to dec 1)

Entry tags:

voice (backdated to dec 1)

[Kravitz very rarely makes himself known on the network, but this is one of those things he feels is Important in a way he can't ignore. It's not that he's looking for pity- rather, he just needs to inform people. There's no tragedy in passing. There's no fear in something he can't reach.

He wishes he could believe that anymore.]

Hello, uhm-- this is Kravitz. For those who may be looking for them, it seems Lup, Taako, and Ren have all departed from the island. My apologies to those who used their services or... simply knew them. I'm not able to carry on the magic they did, but I'll do my best in providing what you need if you were getting some kind of service or items from their store.

[He takes a breath, but it's shaky, and forces any other uncertainty out of his tone.]

I'd also like to remind everyone that we do have a library here containing many resources and a workspace for study. Contributions are always welcome, and I have a number of archived pieces from other islands for study as well. Feel free to contact me if I am not around and I will come to assist.

That... that is all.

[ooc: Kravitz has a shiny new library page on his journal now, if people want to get involved!!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Ah, yes, a classic technique. Aziraphale knows it well. Unfortunately, he's also a bit too polite and oftentimes lacking in general awareness to notice it in others right away. ]

Right, do stop me if this is too forward, but, I've been thinking. You do a wonderful job managing this establishment, despite all the limitations of, well, living on a...magical...island.

[ He clears his throat and folds his arms behind his back, very proper. ]

If you're interested, I would like to offer my services. You see, I've had a rare book shop back in my world for quite some time, and I do believe I have some knowledge that may be of service.

[ It would be more accurate to say he's ran a front for a shop for a couple of centuries and has been hoarding rare books, books of prophecy and misprint bibles for even longer, guarding them with any means at his disposal short of actual physical violence against anyone who may dare try to make a purchase. ]

What say you?

[Somehow, the query takes him by surprise. It's not that people haven't wanted to be involved in the Library- himself included, seeing as he didn't build it- but he's much more used to having things asked of him versus people offering their aid. He blinks twice, trying to shift tracks in his brain from 'answering a technical question' to 'answering a personal one', which is somehow both easier and harder simultaneously.]

Oh, I-- I appreciate that. I mean, that is to say yes, I would enjoy any assistance you care to give. Frankly I don't know much about keeping books, just knowledge and organization-- if you know anything about restoring or protecting them from harm, it would be most appreciated.

[He pauses for a moment there though, something occurring to him through the haze of grief he's still trying to shake off, and quickly adds--]

What, uhm, what made you want to offer this, exactly?

[God forbid someone's taking blatant pity on him and feeling guilted into helping.]

[ For a moment there, Aziraphale is simply trying to hide the fact that he really, really hopes he says yes. There are a lot of layers to his offer - besides having a genuine interest in books and actual skills in keeping them, he does intend on gathering as much information on this place and its 'god's as he can, and he does need something to focus on that will keep the spiraling dread at bay. He can do this, and he wants to.

He's mighty relieved when Kravitz accepts his offer so easily, visibly relaxing. ]

I assure you, I know a few things that might be useful in helping to keep this place in tip-top shape.

[ He pauses over the question. ]

Oh, hum. Well. I do have a great fondness for books, quite personally. But, also- I'm looking for ways to make myself more useful for, hum, the community.

[ That's accurate, right? ]

And this is something I have a long history in.

[Kravitz knows this kind of feeling well; do something to help, ignore the spiraling pit in his life, just find a way to fix it so you can put the whole situation behind you. Not the best aspect of coping, but... well, it happens. So he nods as Aziraphale talks, part approving, part in recognition of his offer.]

Oh, yes, of course. It's-- it's no problem, naturally, I thought perhaps-- well, I didn't want you to be offering things you weren't completely enthusiastic about.

[Yes, sure, that... made sense. He blinks and shakes his head just a bit to try and reset his brain and shove off all the depression that's making it hard to think clearly.]

I do believe you could do some great help here. Besides, this is not something that I should, uhm... attempt to squander. Especially if it brings you such peace.

[ Polite smile never leaving his face, the last couple of words Kravitz says feel a bit like a call out. Aziraphale won't comment on that, of course. ]

I assure you I'm quite certain of my offer. And, to be frank with you, I believe it'll also serve me well to find something I can do around here.

[He doesn't even know yet, buddy. He really doesn't.]

I know that feeling well. It's important to fill the space. Otherwise it feels even more draining than can be handled. So, uhm-- welcome, then. I'm afraid I don't have any, uh, training materials or whatnot, but I believe you know the layout by now.

[ Maybe, as time goes on, he'll share something more personal. Maybe if there's a lot of time. It's easier to listen to someone else's plight than share his own, and his friend of six thousand years could easily attest to that. ]

Aha, yes. [ His smile is a bit sheepish. He's been around the library quite a few times already. ]

Well...where do you think I could start? I suppose there's not quite much to do in the way or organization, [ And, if one were to see how Aziraphale's shop looks like, they wouldn't call on him to do that in the first place. ] but perhaps repairs and conservation?

Any help you are willing to provide I will accept, gladly. I'm afraid I don't know much about construction or keeping buildings steady. Just in documents.

[Which is why he fusses over the organizational system of this place constantly and redoes some minute detail once a week. Just let him go slightly bonkers here, it's cool.]

I-- I appreciate that you would take any time to come see m-- the library, that is. Come see the library. It's quite important to the island.

[ Aziraphale is more bound to fuss about the privacy of his own shop and his own books, which isn't really helpful in such a situation, but, you know. Might come in handy in the future, if anyone or anything ever threatens to do damage to anything in there. ]

Of course. [ He answers with a smile and a light nod. ]

I do hope I didn't interrupt anything important.

No, not-- not at all. I was simply doing a lot of thinking.

[That's a funny way to say 'lost in a haze of grief', buddy. He still won't admit to it unless Aziraphale pushes in any way, so for now he's just... sort of here.]

Thank you for coming by. Please, feel free to stay as long as you'd like today. Since it's the, uhm, your first day technically.

[ There's still something that feels a little bit off, now that they're wrapping up the main topic of conversation. Not that Aziraphale can read minds, but he can feel Love, as much as his senses are a bit dampened, but there's something about it here. In some way that is more complex that simple fond feeling. ]

Right, yes. I'll have a look around. See if that's anything that needs doing right away.

Please, take whatever time you'd like.

[Formality is an easy shield to hide behind in situations like this, just making him seem continuously professionally distant, but when the conversation breaks he makes his way back to the desk, picking up his phone again to review new messages coming in from his announcement. It makes him weary, but he continues to look, even with a little bit of a frown settling onto his lips without him realizing.]

[ Aziraphale tries not to comment on the strange feeling that settles once their conversation is over, taking to have a look around the small establishment, just taking a better survey of what they have, what might need repairing ore reorganizing.

But as he goes about his doings, inspecting one of the books, he can't help but to glance over to Kravitz again.

He does wonder if it's only his impression, not knowing the man that closely yet. But, the more he observes him, the more obvious it is. Enough to eventually break through Aziraphale's own brand of British-style politeness, leading him to quietly approach Kravitz again, arms crossed behind his back.

He clears his throat.]

[Frankly, he gets very caught up in his own thoughts to the point where he doesn't even notice the other man approaching until he makes his presence obviously known. Kravitz tilts his head up with a bit of a sharp movement, trying to adjust to the fact that he's being spoken to and blinking owlishly at the experience. How easy was it for him to get totally absorbed in his own-- well, everything again? Perhaps too easy.

Kravitz straightens up quickly, like a student trying to pretend very hard they weren't caught daydreaming in class.]

H-- Hello, there, hello again. Is there something I can help with?

[ Aziraphale tries to sound casual - and fails miserably, but he's trying. ]

I do hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries, and do stop me if I'm wrong, but it looks like something's weighing on your mind.

[It's alright Azi, that's how he sounds when he's trying not to meddle but is Most Certainly Meddling. Kravitz blinks, taken a bit aback by the sudden question, not having expected the other man to even address the elephant in the room he's got a curtain draped over.]

Well, it-- I-- there's always much to handle, of course, but I certainly don't want to burden you with anything. That's, uhm, that's not part of the job, just so you know, er-- you needn't look after me.

[kravitz shut up and take the offered hand when you're drowning, dipshit]

[ They’re very alike, really. Aziraphale has a whole herd of elephants he’s happy to ignore at any given moment, but by his own nature, and with Kravitz being so welcoming to him, he can’t help but want to, well, help.

He feels a little bad when Kravitz scrambles, though, concerned that he did indeed step over the line.]

I do apologize, my good fellow, I didn’t mean to make you nervous.

If you rather not, er, talk about it...

[It's always easier to deal with someone else's problems than your own. The trick here is getting them to help each other, but that won't fully come until later. For now it's just Aziraphale being nice and Kravitz trying to remember people are allowed to just care about him.]

No, it's-- not uncomfortable, I-- not really. I just didn't want you to feel... obligated. Like you, uhm, like you had to come speak with me or anything, especially since it doesn't directly concern you at all, but ah. Right.

[Well now he's just babbling. He breathes in, then out, a steadying ritual to cut off all those sprinting thoughts.]

I just... the people I had been living with during my duration here left the island this morning. My, uhm, my boyfriend, really. And his sister, and a girl we were looking after.

[Looking after, as if he wasn't basically Dad at this stage. Yeesh. He isn't looking at Aziraphale as he says it, eyes not focusing as he tries to recall.]

They were here even longer than myself. And I haven't ever been... alone here, exactly, without them.

[ Aziraphale was on Earth for six thousand years, in charge of fomenting good and leading humans into salvation. He's known, for a long time, that you can't just force people into doing things, even when you're trying to help (whatever your motivations and goals for such might be). All you can do is give them the chance, most of the time.

When Kravitz settles down and starts to actually talk, Aziraphale takes a seat in a nearby chair, listening attentively. He can't help but to look quite sorry when he learns what happened, and everything suddenly makes a lot of sense.

He's quiet for a moment. ]

I'm...so sorry to hear that, Kravitz.

[ It sounds overwhelmingly lonely. ]

If I had known, I wouldn't have- [ Bothered him with his own nonsense. But this isn't about the angel, so he shakes his head. ]

If there's anything I can do...

Please, don't berate yourself for any actions. It is normal to get back to talking about... this, about a neutral space and not... well, all that.

[Sometimes you just put all your feelings into a box and then you die, thanks. Aziraphale might get some of that level.]

It is simply quiet back where I live, in a way it has never been. I'm not sure what to do about it, or if I... can do anything about it, truly. It is likely just to be me, holding the memory of what once was.

[ He definitely knows about not talking about how you feel. Playing it off as irrelevant. Specially because, for the longest time, in the grand scheme of things, it really was.

But, right now, they’re two people just sitting there, having a conversation, and one of them is hurting. It’s all it is.

Aziraphale doesn’t take the out that is offered, but he doesn’t remark on it, either. If Kravitz truly rather not talk about it, he’ll let it go. He can, at least, do empathy.]

It’s perfectly understandable to grieve such a thing.[ An attempt st being a bit more direct about it.] it sounds quite difficult.

[Truthfully, Kravitz would very much like to talk about it, but he feels the need to give Aziraphale the trapdoor if he wants it. But as he presses forward, Kravitz feels emboldened to do the same, and he nods a shallow nod in response.]

I... it's what I was afraid of, to be frank. I knew it would come eventually, or-- I suspected, at least, that something may happen. I just didn't expect it to be all of them at once.

[He shakes his head as if to clear it, but it doesn't seem to work.]

I suppose this is what it feels like when mortals have loved ones die. Taking them somewhere suddenly where they can no longer be reached, with so much left unsaid. It's been a long time since I felt it this poignantly.

[ Aziraphale listens attentively, quiet, looking solemn. There's not much he can do to comfort someone under such a level of grief, but neither can anyone else, really. He's seen it before, in places in time. ]

I'm sure they would want nothing but to be with you, too.

I can't say I've yet to master the intricacies of this place, but I imagine there is an escape, somehow. Perhaps you may find them yet again, hopefully somewhere better.

[Kravitz has seen so much grief over the years, but very rarely has he ever had to deal with his own. It's... something to behold, but not as interesting when he's the one grieving.]

I would like to be hopeful, but under the circumstances it's... difficult. That said, I-- I appreciate it. Truly.

[He attempts some sort of smile, at least. He isn't feeling it, but he does feel he should put up a show for someone trying to be kind.]

Really, I'm not used to people noticing anything about me, so I do feel your kindness.

[ While Aziraphale doesn't quite expect smiles in times like these, he can see the effort the poor man is putting behind it. That's fine.

The angel has been around mortals for a very long time. He's seen lives, communities, whole peoples disappear, a few he's grieved personally, but it's not the same. He's never had someone who he cared for so deeply that it would have made a big mark. Well, not before Crowley, but he's fortunate enough to have the demon with him. ]

Oh, no need to mention it. I understand that this is all quite personal. If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

voice (backdated to dec 1)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject