a farspeech announcement

[yourattention]

Emotions. [The lack of introduction is partially because Connor rarely bothers anyways and partially because he's trying to minimize the amount of speaking he's doing.] They were banned on Ai'tuoh and I couldn't figure out why then but that's - the more you bottle it up, the faster the flowers grow. Every. Single. Time. You say "I'm f" -

[There's a hiss of pain and then a slow, shaky breath. Yeah, alright. That was maybe not a great idea, given that he knows that's literally how it's triggered.]

Every time you lie about how you feel, something new grows. Every time you tell the truth, I think - I think that's how you cure it. That's why the robots didn't get it at first. That's why the rates of dying were all different.

[Should he take his own advice? Probably. But he's not gonna.]

I have fluro, if you want it. It makes the nausea worse, but it makes it easier to breathe.

Comments

[yourattention]

Yeah, uh. That's the problem, Tim. I only have two people I talk to about shit.

[Which, in fairness? It's a 200% improvement over him before he arrived here, but also it vastly narrows down the pool of people he's comfortable enough with to confess more than (1) thing to.]

One of them knows more about me than my own family and the other one is [Shion, who he's actively keeping secrets from.] a hallucination, which is just talking to myself.

[postictal]

Okay, well I don't think a hallucination is gonna count.

[He hasn't started seeing...things yet. That'll start to happen later, when more time starts elapsing between swallowed pills, and when the pain sends fresh flurrying shocks down the base of his spine.]

What scares you about it? Saying stuff aloud?

cw: connor being connor

[yourattention]

It doesn't scare me, it's just like. What am I gonna do? Go up to random people and dump "hi, my name is Connor Murphy and I'm a fuck-up who killed myself because [I wanted attention.] I wanted to send one last "fuck you" to my dad." on them? That's just rude, people have their own shit to be dealing with.

[Attention, attention, attention. Everything he does is for attention and he can't. Dumping your shit on people is like the worst form of attention-seeking because then they have to respond to you. They have to give you what you want.]

cw: suicide mention

[postictal]

You didn't kill yourself because you wanted attention.

[It's tired, like - like he's just offering some clarification.]

That's kind of the point of killing yourself. There's no guilt to a corpse, or attention, or anything. You don't get anything out of it but...it just being over.